


Three Steps From Heaven

by inky_pinky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 05:15:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19864105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inky_pinky/pseuds/inky_pinky
Summary: It's been a year since Lexa was shot, everyone was under the impression that she was dead. Clarke knew, she knew that Lexa was alive, she felt it in her soul.Lexa, after being heroically saved by her one true love, must learn to adapt to the new ways of her people.OrWhat should have happened after 3x7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't fight me for this. There are a lot of flashbacks.

**Chapter 1: One year**

Clarke knew that there was something wrong with her. Most people would've gotten over it by now, moved on, fell in love, but its been over a year and Clarke hasn't let go of Lexa.

Its hard for Clarke, letting Lexa go. Clarke's lost a lot of people, people whom she's loved, but it was never this bad. Perhaps it was a different type of love, perhaps she loved Lexa more. Lexa wa- is special, and Clarke's never going to find anyone as special as her.

Everything that Clarke did reminded her of Lexa, even the little things.

Drawing; Clarke loved to draw Lexa, she found herself even doing it now, even though Lexa's gone. Lexa's eyes had to be Clarke's favorite to draw, she could spend hours on them and could be no where near having all of the detail captured.

Sleeping; With Lexa gone, she doesn't get much sleep anymore. After comforting Lexa for so long, she soon realised that they both needed each other to sleep. Lexa had nightmares, and found comfort in Clarke playing with her hair (braiding it was always the most relaxing for Lexa). Clarke had gotten used to Lexa's hair in between her fingers, her warmth, and her soft and quiet groans when she would stop playing with her hair. Without Lexa next to her, she couldn't fall asleep.

Writing, reading, eating, fighting, leading, breathing. All of it was so hard with Lexa gone.

So it didn't come as a surprise when Abby diagnosed Clarke with depression. However, what did come as a surprise was the fact that Abby put Clarke on 24 hour suicide watch for a few months, fearing that her daughter would harm her self.

Octavia and Raven were normally the ones whom watched over Clarke, but sometimes it was Abby. Clarke knew that her friends were worried about her, but it wasn't their business. It wasn't their business that Clarke was depressed, and it certainly wasn't their business if Clarke was harming her self or not.

"She still has that thing?" Raven looks at Clarke, whom is playing with her necklace, at the end of it is a gem that Lexa got on her ascension day. Clarke never parts from it, its one of her only things of Lexa that she has left, apart from the A.I that Titus cut from Lexa's neck and a white animal furred blanket that was always draped over Lexa's bed, when Lexa died, Clarke took it from her room, as a way to remember Lexa and Polis, (their blankets were _so_ much more comfortable than the ones in Arkadia.)

"It was Lexa's." Octavia points out, as she pops a fry in her mouth. With Clarke gone so much, Octavia and Raven become inseparable, and they both vowed to protect Clarke at all costs, which is why they volunteered to watch her.

"It's been a year ,O, you would think she would get better by now." Raven sighs. The two look across the room at Clarke. She looks... dead. Pale, she's obviously gotten skinner, there are dark circles under her eyes, evident that she hasn't slept in a few weeks, her eyes are dark, hair is brushed, face blank, no expression at all, but if you look into her eyes, you see one thing, _pain_.

"Maybe not, Lexa was her soulmate, they're each others soulmates." Octavia knows what its like, to loose someone that you love. She lost her mom, and Lincon, but she was never this bad. Octavia's been wondering about it, why Clarke is so effected by this, it broke her. Then, one day she woke up and the idea was clear to her. They were soulmates, Clarke and Lexa, are soulmates.

"Were you and Lincon...?"

Octavia knew what Raven meant. Were her and Lincon soulmates? No. She loved Lincon, so very much, but loosing him didn't break her. It hurt, it stung, and she would never admit this to anyone, but she wasn't a numbered percent over Lincon, they loved each other, but Octavia knew they weren't soulmates.

"No, I loved him, but- no." Raven felt for her friends, but at this point, there really wasn't much she could do for them. She could be there for them, which she would always oblige to, but she couldn't heal her friends, not when she needed healing herself.

__________________

" _Welcome, Sky Crew. Join us."_ _Lexa's_ _voice_ _rang_ _throughout_ _the_ _under_ _ground_ _meeting_ _room_ _._ _Lexa_ _and_ _Clarke_ _stood_ _side_ _by_ _side_ _,_ _welcoming_ _the_ _people_ _of_ _Arkadia_ _,_ _Lexa's_ _soldiers_ _already_ _occupied_ _one_ _half_ _of_ _the_ _table_ _._ _Mr_ _._ _Miller_ _walked_ _up_ _to_ _Clarke_ _with_ _a_ _canister_ _in_ _his_ _hands_ _._

_"A package from Raven. Hydrazine. She said it would do the job."_ _He_ _spoke_ _as_ _he_ _handed_ _Clarke_ _the_ _hydrazine_ _._ _Clarke_ _nodded_ _,_ _and_ _handed_ _it_ _to_ _one_ _one_ _Lexa's_ _guards_ _whom_ _was_ _behind_ _them_ _._

_"Good."_ _Clarke_ _nodded_ _._

_"And, uh, your mother wanted to be here,_ _too_ _."_ _Mr_ _._ _Miller_ _adds_ _,_ _and_ _he_ _can_ _see_ _Clarke's facial_ _demeanor change._

_"I know, but the wounded in_ _Tondc_ _need her_ _more_ _."_ _Clarke_ _swallowed_ _hard_ _,_ _pushing_ _her_ _sadness_ _to_ _the_ _back_ _of_ _her_ _mind_ _._ _She_ _wishes_ _her_ _mother_ _was_ _here_ _,_ _but_ _,_ _she_ _has_ _a_ _job_ _to_ _do_ _,_ _and_ _so_ _does_ _Clarke_ _._

_"_ _Field_ _commanders, today's the day we get our people back. The enemy thinks it's safe behind its doors, but it's not. When it realizes that, it will fight back... Hard. We need to be_ _ready_ _."_ _Lexa_ _stated_ _._ _Most_ _of_ _the_ _grounders_ _grunted_ _in_ _agreement_ _,_ _satisfied_ _that_ _something_ _about_ _Mount_ _Weather_ _was_ _being_ _done_ _._

_"This is a rescue mission. We are not here to wipe them out. There are people inside that mountain that have helped us, children who have nothing to do with this war. We kill their soldiers, their leadership if we have to, but we are there to rescue our people. Is that clear?"_ _Clarke_ _began. There was indistinct chatter from the room, but all nodded in agreement._

_"Then let's begin. There are 4 teams. Two of them... at the dam and in the mine... are moving into position already. The third... inside the mountain... is freeing the Grounder prisoners as we speak. It is our job as the fourth team to keep the eyes of the enemy off of them for as long as possible. To do that, we have to be in position here at the main door with our entire army. The mountain men believe the door can't be opened from the outside, so they leave it unguarded. Only it can be, and thanks to our source on the inside, now we know how. According to Maya, the electromagnetic locking system has one flaw. When the power goes out, it disengages. That's where Raven's team comes in. The mountain's electricity is generated at_ _Philpott_ _Dam. By now, they've taken the turbine room._

_"It's their job to blow the power. Once they do, we blow the lock. There is a catch, a backup generator inside the mountain. If the lock is still functioning when that backup power kicks in, we'll never get that door open, we'll never get our people back."_ _Clarke_ _said_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _walked_ _around_ _the_ _mountain_ _display_ _that_ _she_ _and_ _Anya_ _had_ _set_ _up_ _later_ _that_ _day_ _._

_"How much time do we have until the backup power kicks in?"_ _Mr_ _._ _Miller_ _questions_ _._

_"One minute. That's the window."_ _Clarke_ _states_ _._

_"Small window. Why don't we just take out the backup generator, too? Bellamy's inside. Have him do_ _it_ _."_ _Mr_ _._ _Miller_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _some_ _of_ _the_ _people_ _in_ _the_ _room_ _nod_ _in_ _agreement_ _._

_"Leaving them without power that long would kill them all, and as I said, that's not the mission. Besides, we lost contact with Bellamy."_ _Clarke_ _argues_ _back_ _._

_"What? We did? When?"_ _Monroe_ _asks_ _,_ _a_ _hint_ _of_ _fear_ _was_ _evident_ _in_ _her_ _voice_ _._

_"After he took out the acid_ _fog_ _."_ _Clarke_ _looked_ _at_ _Lexa_ _,_ _noticing_ _that_ _the_ _girl_ _was_ _having_ _a_ _hard_ _time_ _ **not**_ _talking_ _._

_"Bellamy's a warrior. He'll be fine."_ _Lexa_ _broke_ _her_ _silence_ _._

_"As the commander said, once the door is open, the shooting will start, and they'll throw everything they have at us, but that's what we want. We want them looking at us because while we're fighting at the front door, Indra's team will be escorting the prisoners out the back, right through the reaper tunnels. Once all our people are free, they'll sound the retreat. We'll be back home before Mount Weather even knows they're gone, and that's it. That's the plan."_ _Clarke_ _steps_ _back_ _,_ _looking_ _at_ _the_ _people_ _._

_Small murmurs could be heard through the room,_ _questioning_ _the_ _plan_ _._ _Lexa_ _steps_ _forward_ _,_ _her_ _chin_ _up_ _,_ _showing_ _leadership_ _._

_"The mountain has cast a shadow over these woods for too long. They've hunted us, controlled us, turned us into monsters. That ends today. Thanks to our alliance with the Sky People, the mountain will fall. As Clarke said, we spare the innocent. As for the guilty..._ _**Jus** _ _**dren** _ _**just** _ _**daun** _ _."_

_Blood_ _must_ _have_ _blood_ _._

____________________

"Clarke," Abby starts, a bowl of veggies in one hand, and a fork in the other, a small carrot at the end of it. "You _need_ to eat something, its been days."

"Can you get her back?" Clarke looks at her mother. Abby looks down at the bowl. She shakes her head softly.

"Then no." Clarke spits out, and she turns away from her mother.

Clarke's room was always small, but now, it just seemed even _smaller_ , like the walls were closing in on her, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"I was like this too, when we lost your father, but I've gotten over it, and you'll get over this. I'm not saying it'll be easy, _nothin_ g is ever easy, but that's what makes us human, the fact that we still have struggles. You're young, you'll fall in love again, I did." Abby looks at her daughter. Clarke scoffs,

"Yeah, and now you're banging Kane." She snaps.

"Excuse me?" Abby says through gritted teeth, "Marcus hasn't done anything wrong, he's done so much for me."

"And Lexa hasn't done anything for me? She stopped wars, for _me_ _._ She changed her people ways, for _me_ _._ She risked her leadership, for _me_ _._ She died, for _me_ _._ She meant everything! She _means_ everything! So don't you dare tell me that _I_ need to get over it! You got over dad so quickly because he wasn't the one! What if Lexa was?! What if... what if she was the one..." Clarke's voice cracks, a few tears slipping out of her eyes.

"Clarke..." Abby's heart broke at the sight of her daughter, and the only thing she could think of doing was hugging her, hugging her daughter until all of the pain stopped, even though she knew it never would.

_______________

_A_ _loud_ _bang echo's_ _the_ _room_ _,_ _and_ _it_ _is_ _,_ _for_ _a_ _moment_ _,_ _completely_ _silent_ _._ _Lexa_ _stands_ _there_ _in_ _the_ _door_ _way_ _,_ _blood_ _seeping_ _through_ _her_ _shirt_ _,_ _a_ _bullet_ _hole_ _can_ _be_ _seen_ _._

_"_ _Heda_ _..."_ _Titus_ _whispers_ _as_ _he_ _drops_ _the_ _gun_ _on_ _the_ _floor_ _,_ _to_ _taken_ _aback_ _by_ _is_ _actions_ _to_ _keep_ _anything_ _in_ _his_ _hands_ _._ _This_ _wasn't_ _supposed_ _to_ _happen_ _,_ _that_ _bullet_ _was_ _meant_ _for_ _Clarke_ _,_ _not_ _Lexa_ _._

_"_ _Lexa_ _..."_ _Clarke_ _breathes_ _out_ _._ _Lexa_ _looks_ _up_ _at_ _Clarke_ _and_ _starts_ _to_ _fall_ _to_ _the_ _floor_ _,_ _luckily_ _Clarke_ _extends_ _out_ _her_ _arms_ _and_ _catches_ _Lexa_ _. "_ _Help_ _me_ _get_ _her_ _to_ _the_ _bed_ _."_

_Clarke_ _and_ _Titus_ _both_ _carry_ _Lexa_ _to_ _the_ _bed_ _,_ _and_ _place_ _her_ _down_ _on_ _one_ _of_ _her_ _many_ _animal_ _fur_ _blankets_ _._

_"I need something to stop the bleeding!" Clarke says to Titus, as she presses down on_ _Lexas_ _wound. "You'll be okay. Just lie still, okay. Lie still."_

_"Don't be afraid."_ _Lexa_ _manages out in a strangled voice._ _Titues_ _places a wet rag on_ _the_ _bed_ _next_ _to_ _Lexa_ _, and grabs a small box from_ _inside_ _his jacket._

_"You're gonna be fine. Just stay still."_ _Clarke_ _tries_ _. "_ _She's_ _loosing_ _too_ _much_ _blood_ _!_ _Stay_ _with_ _me_ _Lex_ _..."_

_Black_ _blood_ _is_ _now_ _covering_ _most_ _of_ _Lexa's_ _stomach_ _,_ _a_ _little_ _even_ _draping_ _over_ _the_ _side_ _of_ _her_ _lip_ _._

_"_ _What_ _the_ _hell_ _is_ _that_ _?!"_ _Clarke_ _barks_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _watches_ _Titus_ _pull_ _something_ _else_ _out_ _of_ _his_ _jacket_ _,_ _it_ _looks_ _like_ _a_ _knife_ _. "_ _Titus_ _,_ _what_ _are_ _you_ _doing_ _?"_

_"_ _Oh_ _no_ _,_ _get_ _away_ _from_ _her_ _!"_ _Clarke_ _protests_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _tries_ _her_ _best_ _to_ _keep_ _Titus_ _away_ _from_ _Lexa_ _,_ _and_ _keep_ _the_ _blood_ _stained_ _rag_ _on_ _the_ _wound_ _._

_"_ _Forgive_ _me_ _,_ _Heda_ _."_ _Titus_ _says_ _._ _His_ _voice_ _doesn't_ _even_ _sound_ _a_ _little_ _bit_ _sarrowfull_ _._

_"_ _You_ _will_ _never_ _attempt_ _to_ _hurt_ _Clarke_ _again_ _._ _Swear_ _it_ _."_ _Lexa_ _croakes_ _out_ _,_ _her_ _voice_ _becoming_ _horse_ _._

_"_ _I_ _swear_ _it_ _."_ _Titus_ _nods_ _._

_"Then_ _do_ _your_ _job_ _._ _Serve_ _the_ _next_ _as_ _you_ _have_ _served_ _me_ _,_ _Flamekeeper_ _."_ _Lexa_ _says_ _._ _She_ _looks_ _up_ _into_ _Clarke's_ _eyes_ _,_ _which_ _were_ _full_ _of_ _tears_ _and_ _something_ _unrecognizable_ _to_ _Lexa_ _._

_"_ _Hey_ _,_ _don't_ _you_ _dare_ _give_ _up_ _."_ _Clarke_ _pushes_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _looks_ _at_ _the_ _blood_ _that_ _now_ _stained_ _her_ _fingers_ _._ _Lexa's_ _blood_ _._ _Black_ _blood_ _._

_"_ _I'm_ _not_ _,_ _my_ _spirit_ _will_ _live_ _on_ _."_ _Lexa_ _smiles_ _through_ _the_ _pain_ _,_ _its_ _a_ _small_ _smile_ _,_ _and_ _weak_ _smile_ _,_ _but_ _it_ _was_ _enough_ _to_ _let_ _Clarke_ _know_ _everything_ _that_ _the_ _green_ _eyed_ _girl_ _truly_ _wanted_ _to_ _say_ _._

_"No. I'm not letting you die."_ _Clarke_ _protests_ _,_ _more_ _and_ _more_ _tears_ _falling_ _from_ _her_ _eyes_ _._

_"There's nothing you can do now. The next Commander will protect you."_ _Lexa_ _reassures_ _Clarke_ _,_ _a_ _few_ _tears_ _slipping_ _from_ _her_ _own_ _eyes_ _._

_"I don't want the next Commander. I want_ _you_ _."_ _Clarke's_ _voice_ _cracks_ _,_ _as_ _well_ _as_ _her_ _heart_ _._ _This_ _is_ _it_ _,_ _she_ _thought_ _,_ _its_ _over_ _._

_"_ _Clarke-_ _"_ _Lexa_ _starts_ _,_ _but_ _gets_ _caught_ _off_ _by_ _her_ _own_ _sharp_ _breath_ _._

_"I'm here."_ _Clarke_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _holds_ _one_ _of_ _Lexa's_ _hands_ _,_ _squeezing_ _it_ _gently_ _._

_"_ _ _ _Ai___ ___gonplei___ ___ste___ ___odon___ _."_ _Lexa_ _looks_ _down_ _to_ _Clarke's_ _lips_ _,_ _and_ _than_ _back_ _up_ _to_ _her_ _eyes_ _._ _Oh_ _how_ _she_ _would_ _kill_ _to_ _taste_ _those_ _one_ _last_ _time_ _._

_"No. No, no I won't accept that."_ _Clarke_ _shakes_ _her_ _head_ _,_ _trying_ _to_ _stay_ _strong_ _._

_"You were right Clarke. Life is about more than just_ _surviving_ _."_ _Lexa_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _her_ _final_ _breath_ _leaves_ _her_ _body_ _._ _Clarke_ _breaks_ _down_ _into_ _a_ _fit_ _of_ _sobs_ _,_ _a_ _few_ _sentences_ _escaping_ _her_ _lips_ _._

_"In peace, may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again."_ _Clarke_ _presses_ _her_ _lips_ _to_ _Lexa's_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _closes_ _her_ _eyes_ _._

_"_ _I_ _love_ _you_ _._ _ _Yu__ __gonplei__ __ste__ __odon__ _."_

_Your_ _fight_ _is_ _over_ _._


	2. Ark Is Our Ark

**Chapter Two: Ark Is Our Ark**

The room was dark and quiet. The only sounds heard were the sharp, shallow breathes that the girl emitted. The concrete walls were cold and hard, the floor was something the girl couldn't recognize, they were black and like the wall, very cold.

She couldn't remember how long shed been in here, she could barely even remember what she looked like, its as if you loose all perception of time when you enter the room. The door would occasionally open, but only when the man would bring her food, stale bread every other day, sometimes it would be everyday, but only when she behaves, and doesn't try to escape. The only other reason that the door would open is for the healer to come and check her wound.

She'd been in there for so long, she's even forgotten the sound of her own voice. What was her name again? Lexa? The girl briefly tried to stand up, then a sharp pain appeared in her lower abdomen. She lifted her shirt slowly, and saw a little blood flow out of her wound.

 _Fuck,_ she thought, _I tore my_ _stitch_ _es._

A loud thud echoed the room, and the girl rested her head against the wall.

 _It'll be days before the healer comes back,_ she thinks, _by than I could bleed out._

The girl tries to think, tries to remember anything, but she just... _can't._ She tries, and tries, and tries. She shuts her eyes and wills herself to remember something, _anything._

 _Lexa_ , she thinks, _thats_ _my name... right? Yes!_ _Lexa_ _! I'm... 20? No, 21... Clarke... Clarke? Who's Clarke?..._

"Clarke."

The sound of her own voice spooked her a bit, but, the name just feels so natural comming off of her lips, like it was meant to be said. Like she was meant to say it.

She wanted to remember, she needed to remember, she needed to remember. Perhaps the name would remain faceless for ever, perhaps she'll never remember the name the somehow brings her so much joy.

"Clarke..."

_____________________

Polis was a beautiful place, the houses were small and quaint, the streets were full of people, little shops and posts, children running around... the sound was music to Clarkes ears.

She'd spent a significant time in this place, almost two years, one of which was spent with Lexa, the other without.

As Aden had now become Heda, Skaikru was now officially apart of the Coalition, as he had honored Lexa's decision to do so. Most of what Lexa had done, Aden had not revoked it, as he felt it was not in his place to do so, even if h _e is_ heda.

After what happened with Tondc, most of the citizens of Polis started to wonder about Lexa's leadership, and if she was really true and loyal to her people. She was. She did what was best for her people, _always._ So when she abandoned Clarke at Mount Weather, most of her people agreed with her.

Even now, most of the people of Polis were loyal to Lexa, and since they knew that Aden was Clarke's favourite Nightblood, they were loyal to him _-_ _are_ loyal to him.

Sometimes Aden will invite Clarke to Polis, knowing that she somewhat considered it home. As Lexa's passing had shook the people of Polis, and Aden was not ready to be commander, nor did he feel comfortable taking Lexa's room, it was reserved for Clarke or Octavia when they would come to visit.

Raven would normally tag along with Octavia when she took her trips to Polis, as she didn't want to be away from the taller girl, she _couldn't_ be away from her.

 _"I don't want you to leave."_ The smaller girl had huffed out one day.

 _"Come with me than Rey, we both know you'll die without me."_ The younger girl had teased. Of course they both knew it was true, but neither of them had admitted it, at least never _out loud_ before.

__________________

_"_ _Do_ _you_ _know_ _how_ _to_ _swim_ _?"_ _Lexa_ _piped_ _out_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _adjusts_ _her_ _self_ _on_ _her_ _horse_ _._ _Clarke_ _raised_ _an_ _questioning_ _eyebrow_ _at_ _the_ _green_ _eyed_ _girl_ _._

 _"_ _No_ _?"_ _She_ _responded_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _hops_ _up_ _own_ _her_ _own_ _horse_ _._ _Clarke_ _,_ _Lexa_ _,_ _Raven_ _,_ _and_ _Octavia_ _are_ _now_ _just_ _heading_ _out_ _to_ _Polis_ _,_ _having_ _spent_ _a_ _few_ _days_ _in_ _Arkadia_ _._ _Raven_ _and_ _Octavia_ _were_ _cought_ _up_ _in_ _their_ _own_ _conversation_ _when_ _Lexa_ _had_ _asked_ _Clarke_ _the_ _question_ _._

 _"_ _Why_ _did_ _that_ _sound_ _like_ _a_ _question_ _?"_ _Lexa_ _asked_ _._ _Clarke_ _just_ _shrugs_ _,_ _as_ _the_ _two_ _horse_ _start_ _to_ _walk_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _dunno_ _,_ _I_ _guess_ _it_ _just_ _depends_ _on_ _what_ _you_ _consider_ _swimming_ _._ _I_ _can_ _keep_ _my_ _head_ _up_ _with_ _a_ _like_ _seven_ _feet_ _of_ _water_ _,_ _but_ _like_ _I_ _can't_ _swim_ _swim_ _,_ _ya_ _know_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _says_ _._

 _"_ _Okay_ _,_ _so_ _you_ _can't_ _swim_ _then_ _."_ _Lexa_ _chuckles_ _out_ _._ _Clarke_ _rolls_ _her_ _eyes_ _at_ _her-_ _..._ _girlfriend_ _?_

 _"_ _I_ _guess_ _not_ _,_ _I_ _dunno_ _,_ _I've_ _never_ _really_ _had_ _time_ _to_ _learn_ _._ _Do_ _you_ _know_ _how_ _to_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _questioned_ _._

 _"_ _Mhm_ _,_ _I_ _learned_ _when_ _I_ _was_ _a_ _small_ _girl_ _,_ _back_ _in_ _my_ _village_ _,_ _before_ _I_ _was_ _taken_ _to_ _Polis_ _._ _I_ _loved_ _it_ _."_ _Lexa_ _answered_ _out_ _._

 _"_ _You_ _never_ _talk_ _much_ _about_ _your_ _village_ _,_ _why_ _is_ _that_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _questions_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _don't_ _remember_ _much_ _about_ _it_ _,_ _I_ _don't_ _remember_ _much_ _about_ _my_ _child_ _hood_ _these_ _days_ _..._ _What_ _about_ _you_ _space_ _girl_ _,_ _huh_ _?"_ _Lexa_ _teased_ _._

 _"_ _It's_ _so_ _much_ _different_ _from_ _earth_ _, there_ _was_ _no_ _green_ _,_ _no_ _animals_ _,_ _no_ _lakes_ _, no_ _trees_ _,_ _no_ _grass_ _..._ _space_ _sucks_ _."_ _Clarke_ _chuckles_ _._

 _"_ _Uh_ _,_ _space_ _is_ _fucking_ _amazing_ _."_ _Raven_ _pipes_ _up_ _._

 _"_ _Sure_ _it_ _was_ _,_ _space_ _walker_ _."_ _Octavia_ _rolls_ _her_ _eyes_ _at_ _her_ _brown_ _eyed friend._

 _"_ _But_ _, earth is_ _definitely_ _much_ _better_ _than_ _space_ _."_ _Raven_ _reassures_ _Octavia_ _, "_ _I_ _met_ _you_ _all_ _here_ _."_

 _"_ _Why_ _does_ _she_ _always_ _do_ _this_ _?"_ _Octavia_ _teases_ _._

 _"_ _Do_ _what_ _?"_ _Lexa_ _questions_ _,_ _unsure_ _of_ _what_ _the_ _girl_ _was_ _talking_ _about_ _._

 _"_ _Turn_ _literally_ _everything_ _into_ _a_ _sap_ _story_ _."_ _Clarke_ _rolls_ _her_ _eyes_ _._

 _"_ _Do_ _not_ _!"_ _Raven_ _jabs_ _._

 _"_ _Do_ _to_ _!_ _Oh_ _Clarke_ _,_ _my_ _best_ _friend_ _ever_ _!_ _And_ _Octavia_ _,_ _oh_ _Octavia_ _,_ _my_ _one_ _true_ _love_ _!"_ _Clarke_ _teases_ _in_ _a_ _voice_ _mimicking_ _Ravens_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _never_ _said_ _that_ _."_ _Raven_ _defends_ _herself_ _,_ _her_ _cheeks_ _the_ _color_ _of_ _cherries_ _._

 _"_ _Not_ _out_ _loud_ _."_ _Octavia_ _winks_ _at_ _Raven_ _,_ _making_ _the_ _girl_ _turn_ _even_ _more_ _red_ _,_ _if_ _that_ _was_ _even_ _possible_ _._

 _"_ _Children_ _,_ _I_ _work_ _with_ _children_ _."_ _Lexa_ _thinks_ _out_ _loud_ _._

 _"_ _Even_ _me_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _asks_ _,_ _she_ _sticks_ _out_ _her_ _bottom_ _lip_ _,_ _and_ _quivers_ _it_ _._

 _"_ _No_ _,_ _not_ _you_ _."_ _Lexa_ _shakes_ _her_ _head_ _._ _Faint_ _giggles_ _could_ _be_ _heard_ _from_ _Octavia_ _and_ _Raven_ _,_ _along_ _with_ _what_ _sounded_ _like_ _whips_ _cracking_ _._

 _"_ _Whipped_ _."_ _Octavia_ _had_ _whispered_ _to_ _Raven_ _._ _The_ _brown_ _eyed_ _girl_ _had_ _bit_ _her_ _lip_ _to_ _try_ _to_ _refrain_ _from_ _laughing_ _._

 _The_ _rest_ _of_ _the_ _ride_ _to_ _Polis_ _was_ _silent_ _,_ _except_ _for_ _the_ _hooves_ _of_ _the_ _horses_ _hitting_ _the_ _ground_ _,_ _and_ _the_ _breathing_ _of_ _the_ _four_ _girls_ _,_ _and_ _those_ _of_ _Lexa's_ _guards_ _whom_ _were_ _behind them._

 _Clarke_ _looks_ _around_ _the_ _forest_ _,_ _all_ _of_ _the_ _bright_ _colors_ _,_ _the_ _birds_ _,_ _the_ _trees_ _,_ _the_ _smell_ _was_ _intoxicating_ _to_ _her_ _._ _It_ _was_ _like_ _a_ _drug_ _,_ _a_ _drug_ _which_ _she_ _would_ _never_ _want_ _to_ _stop_ _taking_ _,_ _one_ _of_ _which_ _she_ _would_ _kill_ _to_ _overdose_ _on_ _._

____________ __________

"So after everything we've done, the drop ship, Mount Weather, ALIE, it's over, the worlds ending?" Monty asks, as he looks at Raven.

"Yeah." Raven breathes out. She looks around the table, Clarke, Monty, Bellamy, and Octavia all stand around it, along with herself. She looks at all their faces, some unrecognizable, others she can see exactly what they're thinking, feeling. Her eyes land on Octavia, and for the first time since Lincon's death, she seems _scared_ _._

"How do we survive?" Octavia asked, fear, worry, pain, all could be heard through her shakey tone.

"There must be something we haven't thought of. What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?" Bellamy suggests. Raven shakes her head.

"I told you, the meltdown started months ago there's no magic button to turn them off. This isn't black rain but it will be soon. That's why we have to focus on riding out the radiation, finding some place safe. And big enough to hold all five hundred of us." Raven says, as she looks around the table once again.

"This isn't just about saving us." Clarke's speaks up, "I made a promise to Aden, it's about saving everyone."

"That's why we need to tell everyone. Crowdsource it. If there's another Mount Weather out there the Grounders will know about it." Raven says, as she walks over to the board, her leg brace scraping against the floor, Octavia follows soon behind, a hand on Ravens lower back.

"You think they're just gonna tell us? Just like that? If you tell everybody they're going to die the Coalition is over, Aden falls and the Grounders will be at our gate." He tries to explain to them.

"Then just tell our people." Raven says, "We need more minds on this problem. On the Ark, people volunteered for the Culling because they were told the truth and given a choice."

Water seeps through the Ark, slowly dripping down onto Monty's head.

"A choice your dad died for." She added, her eyes directed at Clarke.

"You think I've forgotten that?" Clarke fires back.

"Ok," Bellamy starts, "We'll tell everybody the truth as soon as we have a viable solution. Without one, it'll start a panic."

"You don't know that." Raven states, as her eyes dart around the board. There has to be something that she missed.

"That's it!" Monty says, as he looks to Raven.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asks.

"Think, Alpha Station survived for ninety-seven years in space, through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations. Sound familiar? All we have to do is patch up the ship." He explains. Raven nods along, a small smile on her face.

"We're standing in our viable solution. Monty you're a genius!" Raven exclaims, as she pulls Monty in for a small hug.

"How long will it take to get it sealed up?" Bellamy asks. Raven stands at her board, and scribbled down a few numbers, calculating it.

"A month, maybe less if we can work fast enough." She explains, "The Ark is our Ark."

"I get it, ok, so trees drying meat until we can grow our own food, we'll get oxygen scrubbers but how do we get enough water for five hundred people?" Octavia says, as she looks to Raven, hoping that she'll have the answer

"We don't that's why we're heading to Farm Station." Bellamy says.

"Why the hell would we do that? It's in the damn Ice Nation." Octavia argues, her jaw clenched.

"You just said it, we need a hydro generator and Farm Station has one for the crops." Bellamy explains to his sister.

"Fine, but I'm going." She states, almost begging Bellamy to challenge her, to say no.

"Than I'm going too." Raven says.

"No." Octavia says, her eyes full with worry for the smaller girl.

"I'm in too, we can get Miller and Harper." Monty says. Bellamy nods, and grabs his jacket that was slung on the chair next to him.

"We roll out in an hour." He explains.

Bellamy pulls on his jacket, and looks back to his sister and Raven. Raven has a bright smile on her face, and Octavia looks happy, he notes. He smiles softly, he wants his sister to be happy. With one last glance thrown in their direction, he walks out of the room, ready to save his people.


	3. Boom?

**Chapter Three: Boom?**

"Hey," Raven speaks, she holds a rolled up piece of paper, and walks over to the team with Clarke at her side. "A blueprint for the hydro generator. And don't forget it's filled with hydrazine that combined with oxygen can make water so go slow."

"And the hydrazine could go boom, I know. Raven, I got this. Don't you have a ship to fix?" Monty rolls his eyes, and continues loading up the rover.

"Battery's full," Bellamy points out, "If we're lucky we won't have to stop to recharge."

"Even luckier if Roan's seal will work it's supposed to. If you get in trouble, just show this." Clarke pulls out the seal the Roan gave her. Its raped in a blue cloth like substance. She hands it to Bellamy.

"Got it, thanks." He smiles, and hands the seal to Octavia, who was loading up the rover with Monty, "You could still come with us."

"No," Clarke shakes her head, "I can't. Arkadia is just plan B, it doesn't help the Grounders. I'm not stopping until we have a solution that saves everyone."

"We save who we can save today." He says, as he closes the back of the rover. He nods to Clarke, as if to say goodbye.

"Alright, let's go!"

_______________

"We've got a lot of work to get ready for winter. Sector four, crack in the outer wall we need to patch it up, start by repairing the damaged panels. Sector five we need to get that tree out of the hole and seal it up. Any questions?" Raven looks around to the volunteers, the all seem to understand, so they stay silent, some even nod. "Ok, go."

Raven sighs, at the rate of which people are helping, it'll take a few months to repair the ship, a few months too long, the black rain would already be there.

"You ok?" Clarke asks, as she walks over to Raven. She shakes her head.

"There was so much to do and I get a total of five volunteers to help me fix the ship?" Raven says.

"It's a start." Clarke points out, as she watches the men- and one women- file into the Ark.

"I can't run this repair alone, Clarke." Raven starts, "Even if I had complete mobility. Even if Sinclair was still alive. Who the hell am I giving orders, I'm-I'm not the chief."

"I'm not the Chancellor. But here we are. For what it's worth, there's nobody I trust to do this more than you. As soon as Bellamy gets back with that machine, we go public with everything and get you the help that you need." Clarke gives Raven a reassuring smile. Footsteps could be heard as Jaha approaches the two girls.

"Am I interrupting?" He asks, his hands behind his back.

"What do you want?" Raven bites back, a cold hard glare could be seen in her eyes.

"I was an engineer before I was Chancellor. I supervised the redesign of sector five." He says, not addressing the look that he received from Raven

"And how many people died in sector five from the Culling when you sucked the air out of their lungs?" Raven snaps.

"Forty-two." Java says calmly, "Would you like to know their names?"

Exasperated, Raven walks away, her head pounding and rage bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

"Raven, wait," Clarke says, making the girl with the leg brace stop in her tracks, "We could use the help."

"You do know he made me cut my wrists to force your mom to take the chip, right?" Raven says, her back still facing the pair.

"He was chipped, too." Clarke defends Jaha.

"He searched for the City of Light. He brought ALIE here. He showed her how to overcome free will." Raven crosses her arms, still in disbelief that they're still having this conversation.

"Yes," Jaha says, "Those are my sins and I have to live with them."

"Raven." Clarke says.

"You wanna help? Go sort the scrap." Raven bits the side of her mouth to keep from spewing hateful words at the former Chancellor.

"Whatever you need." Jaha replies, as he walks into the Ark, ready to help out in any way he can.

_______________

As soon as the rover pulled into Azgeda territory, there was a shift of energy in the air.

"This is as far as we can go." Bellamy says, as he puts the rover in park, "From here we go on foot."

The team steps out of the rover and looks over the cliff side, Farm Station was visible to the naked eye, but you couldn't see much of anything else.

"We get the machine and get out of here." Miller says in a shakes voice, obviously scared to be in Azgeda territory.

"I don't want to stay any longer than we have to." Octavia says, her toes feel frozen in her leather boots.

Miller takes binoculars out of his backpack, and looks in the direction of Farm Station.

"Guys, we got a problem. The barn isn't empty." He states. Octavia takes the binoculars from his hands, and looks herself. There were a few Azgeda warriors she recognized from her days of battle and training with Indra.

"They moved in." She says, her eyes still fixated on the many warriors, "With your guns and my swords, we could take them out."

"I'm sure we could, but we didn't come here to fight." Bellamy points out. Octavia hands her brother the binoculars and shakes her head.

"They butchered us. Killed kids, our friends, our families." She says, as she extends her arms backwards, her hands gripping her swords.

"I don't like it anymore than you do, but Bellamy's right, we need that machine." Monty says, and looks at Octavia. The two never really did talk to each other, but they respected one another. With a nod, Octavia let's her arms fall back to her sides.

"Guys." Harper says, her voice shakey. The group turn around and see an Azgeda warrior with a bow and arrow to Harper's neck. Octavia takes out her swords, and the rest of the delinquents turn their guns towards them.

"Weapons down, now." Bellamy orders, but none of them listen. More grounders emerge from the woods, their bows pointed at the group of teens.

"Now!" Bellamy takes out the seal from his jacket, and shows the grounder.

"King roan gon azgeda sent osir." **King** **Roan** **of** **Azgeda** **sent us** , Octavia translates for her brother, knowing very well that he isn't very fluent is grounder language.

The Ice Nation grounder looks at the seal then hits Bellamy in the head, knocking him out.

"Teik their weapons en teik's introduce em kom the chief." **Take** **their** **weapons** **and** **let's** **introduce** **them** **to** **the** **chief** **.** The grounder speaks out. The Ice Nation grounders take the teens into Farm Station, where they are met face to face with The Chief, Tybe. On the way down the mountain, Bellamy had regained consciousness, only a little blood left the wound that the grounder left.

"Where did you get this?" Tybe speaks out, as the Skaikru teams are being pushed to their knees.

"King Roan. Skaikru and Azgeda are allies. He sent us to get a part of the ship, a machine." Bellamy tries to explain to the Chief.

"King roan hasn't returned kom Ice Nation in thri years. The banished prince ste nou ai king." **King** **Roan** **hasn't** **returned** **to** **Azgeda** **in** **three** **years** **.** **The** **banished** **prince** **is** **not** **my** **king** **.** One of the grounders speak.

Tybe takes out a dagger.

Look," Bellamy starts, "If we'd come to take this place back there would be a lot more of us and you know that."

"Let's just get this over with, where is this machine for the King?"

_______________

"It's too many people." Clarke says, as she looks at the list of names that are in her hands.

She paces around the room before slamming her papers onto the desk and burying her head in her hands. She takes a deep breath, a few tears escaping her eyes.

"Damn it!" She yells out. The room is quiet for a moment that she can hear a faint sound of music in the back ground. _Jasper_ _._

She storms angrily through the hallway leading to the one place she knew the music would be coming from. The common room.

She walks into the common room to see Jasper and a bunch of Arkadians relaxing and drinking.

"Tell me why I don't like Mondays. Tell me why I don't like Mondays." Jasper sings his heart out, as he finishes pouring him self a drink. Clarke walks up to him, and takes a breath.

"Hey. Can we talk?" She asks him.

"Sure I got about six months. No waiting what's up?" He asks, as he walks to a quieter part of the room, Clarke on his heals.

"I'm trying to make sure that we have more than six months. Which is why these people need to get back to work." Clarke motions to the dozens of people, whom should be working, not getting drunk.

"I didn't force them to stop." Jasper defends him self, "I guess they think it's the end of the day not you know, the end of days."

"Don't you want us to survive, Jasper?" Clarke asks. Jasper shakes his head and looks at all of the people.

"Nah, I don't want us to survive. I want us to live." He says.

"If we don't repair that ship, none of us will have that chance." Clarke argues, her temper rising slowly.

"What about free will? That's why you destroyed ALIE, right? Why don't you tell them all the truth?" Jasper raises his voice a little.

"Keep your voice down." Clarke hisses.

"You should let them decide what they want to do with their last six months." Jasper takes a step closer to Clarke, "What are you so afraid of?"

"We can't just go to them with no solutions, people will panic." Clarke defends her self.

"Ah, I see. That's spoken like the council that sent a hundred kids to die on the ground."

_______________

"I don't care if they're unarmed, we can't just leave them." Octavia hisses at her brother. Apon finding the hydro generator, the group of teens found a dozen of slaves that Azgeda took from one of the ships that were sent down from the Ark.

"We're in the Coalition now, so we ask the King to free them. It's our best bet." Harper says, trying her best to level with the green eyed girl.

"Not if it means leaving them, there are children, Bell." Octavia pleads.

"We won't okay but Harper's right, we try diplomacy first if that doesn't work we come with reinforcements for the slaves. After we take home the machine." Bellamy says to his sister, "Okay?"

"Yeah." Octavia nods. One of the slaves- a girl whom couldn't be much older then ten- walks by Bellamy and drops a note. He puts his boot over it before any of the Ice Nation warriors see. He slides it closer to him and picks it up.

**_Moving us tomorrow. Help!_ **

"They're moving them." Bellamy says, as he looks at his sister.

"It's now or never." She says. Bellamy let's out a sigh, and looks around.

"Are there any other exits in here?" He asks.

"It's completely sealed. Came down from space in here because it's the most secure room in the ship." Miller says.

"It's designed that way in case the hydrazine blew." Monty says. Bellamy looks at his sister, then to Monty

"What?" Harper asks, not catching on to what they're thinking.

"We have a bomb." Octavia says, as she motions to the hydro generator.

"Wait a second, the end of the world is coming and you want to destroy the one thing that will keep our people alive?" Miller asks.

"Not all of our people. What about them?" Octavia motions to the slaves that are ties up in shackles.

"I vote that we take it home." Miller says.

"No, we blow it up." Octavia growls.

"I'm with Octavia. I know what's like to be locked up and afraid. You don't leave us in Mount Weather, we shouldn't leave them here." Harper says.

"Can we build another machine?" Bellamy asks Monty. He shakes his head with a small frown.

"No way! The techs too advanced." Monty says.

"We have six months, we have Raven. Are you telling me she can't find another way to make water?" Bellamy argues.

"Yes. Look, I know you want to make up for the things you've done, believe me, we all do, but we need to think of the big picture. Twenty-five people instead of five hundred? We're talking about the human race, Bellamy. We need to get this machine back to Arkadia it's the only way." Monty tries to persuade Bellamy into listing to him.

"It's two and two. Your call, Bellamy. What's it gonna be?" Harper asks.

Bellamy looks at his friends, his sister, and the slaves that are a few feet away from them.

_______________

"Watch it, Bell." Octavia says, as Bellamy nearly trips over his own two feet.

"Wait, wait wait. Set it down." Monty says in a panicked voice. The group of teens share a look, they all look to Bellamy.

"What are you doing?" One of the warriors spit out. Bellamy looks at his sister one last time, before he kicks over the hydro generator, making the bomb go off. The teens all run to try to get away from the explosion.

"Kill them!" The warrior yells. Bellamy and Octavia grab Tybe and knock him down. Octavia kicks the chief in the jaw, no doubt breaking it. Bellamy starts to kick him repeatedly in the stomach.

"This isn't your kill. This isn't your kill! This is Monty's kill!" Miller says, as he pulls an ax from one of the warriors lifeless body.

"What are you talking about?" Monty says in an confused tone.

"That's the man that murdered your father." Miller says, as he hands Monty the ax.

"You don't have to do this." Bellamy says to Monty.

"Yeah, I do." Monty says, as he strikes a chain above his head that's keeping all of the slaves tied up. The slaves shake off their shackles, and run over to Tybe. Some spit on him, some kick him. After a moment or so, its as if all of the anger in them finally rise to the surface, as the slaves beat Tybe to death. The man whom enslaved them and tortured them

_______________

"Raven? Raven you here?" Clarke says, as she walks into sector five, searching for Raven, but instead she finds Jaha, sorting through the scrap.

"Polyethylene silicon elastomer. We don't need that for a winter storm or to protect us from a grounder attack. What are we really bracing Alpha Station for?" Jaha asks, as he looks up at Clarke.

The blonde haired girl stays silent.

"Heavy lies the crown. I know the burden of keeping a secret you think is going to destroy your people." Jaha continues.

"You locked me up. You floated my father." Clarke speaks up.

"And now you understand why. No leader starts out wanting to lie, or imprison, or execute their people. The decisions you face just whittle you down piece by piece." Jaha says to Clarke, as if he's trying to help.

"So what do I do?" She asks.

"I'll tell you what I told your mother after the Culling. We make the best decisions that we can with the information that we have. Then hope that there's a forgiving god."  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter Four: John Fucking Murphy

**Chapter Four: John Fucking Murphy**

I don't know why you bother trying." The healer had said one day, just after he had finished sewing back up Lexa's wound. He was tall, but not as tall as Lexa. His hair was dark brown, and he had a small scar across his neck- it was almost unnoticeable-, like someone had tried to kill him, strangle him maybe.

"I could either stay down here and die a coward, or fight my way out and die a hero." Lexa says to the man. He laughs- it was a pity laugh, Lexa was sure of it- and looks at Lexa.

"What's your name?"

"It's John, but most people call me Murphy." He says to her.

"Murphy, do you know where we are?" Lexa asks him. He stands still for a moment, debating on which he should tell her or not.

"How much do you remember? About your life?" Murphy asks. He slips on his jacket, and shivers slightly.

"Not much..." She replies, "Clarke... does that name mean anything to you?"

"So you do remember?" Murphy sits down next to Lexa.

"No." Lexa shakes her head, "I only remember the name."

"I'm not sure if I'm the one who should be telling you this..." Murphy breathes out, as he puts his face in his hands.

"We'll, you're the only person who I ever see..." Lexa says.

"Okay..."

_______________

Raven walks- or rather limps- over to the to the rover which had just pulled into hanger bay. The team was just now getting out, and Raven noticed a few people in the back of the rover. Some of them looked young, some old, some she even recognized from the Ark. The one thing she didn't see was the generator.

"Where is it?" She said as soon as Bellamy and Octavia got put of the rover. Miler, Monty, and Harped helped the extra people off the given and led them into medbay.

"We didn't get the machine." Bellamy says. Clarke walks up to the trio of people, adding herself to the conversation.

"It didn't survive landing?" Clarke asks.

"No, it did. But I had a choice, bring the machine home or use it to save them." Bellamy says, as he motions towards the now freed slaves.

"Oh, we are so screwed." Raven says. She runs her fingers through her hair, and shifts her weight back and forth on her feet.

"We have time." Octavia tries to reassure Raven, but the smaller girl holds up her hand, telling Octavia go stop talking.

"I am not sacrificing any more innocent lives." Bellamy says.

"You just did." Clarke argues.

"I made the call and I'll live with it." He says to Clarke.

"Yeah, you're not the only one who has to live with your call, as usual." Raven snaps.

"Go tell them. Go tell that little girl I should've left her to die." Octavia says, making Ravens head snap towards the girl that Abby was helping.

"Okay, how many of us will the ship sustain without a hydro generator?" Clarke turns to Raven, making the Latin girl retain her focus on the conversation, turning her head back to her friends.

"No more than a hundred." She says.

"What am I supposed to tell the people now?" Clarke asks in a shakey tone.

"The truth."

_______________

The Ark was much different from what Murphy had remembered. It was almost a skyscraper, bending high up into the clouds. There was a fence surrounding it- high voltage, he had taken note of that- and a tall tower just by what looked to be a gate.

He started to walk towards the gate, gaining the attention of the guards that were stationed at the tower, two he recognized, Octavia and Miller. The guards pointed their guns at Murphy, and Octavia pointed her bow, the arrow ready to release.

"Woah woah woah, it's me." Murphy raised his hands high in the air, making sure the guards could see him. Milled lowered his gun, and told the guards bellow to open the gate. Octavia climbed down the ladder, landed on the ground with a 'thump', and drew her bow again, arrow pointed at Murphy's neck.

"Easy there killer, I'm here for Clarke." Murphy says, and tries to get Octavia to lover her bow. This of course makes her push on his neck harder, drawing blood.

"Octavia, at ease." Miller said- he had come down the ladder a few moments after Octavia.

"He shot Raven. He's the reason she has to wear that brace. He's the reason she can't sleep. He deserves to die." Octavia's cold expression she held on her face chilled even more.

"We've all done things that we regret. Now, I'd you'll excuse me I need to speak with Clarke. Now." Murphy tries.

"Why?" Miller asks from behind Octavia.

"The Commanders alive." Murphy says.

"Aden? Of course he's alive, why wouldn't he be?" Octavia says, her bow lowering a little.

"Not _that_ Commander." Murphy rolls his eyes.

Octavia lowers her bow completely, and shoves her arrow back into her holder. Her hair was up in a ponytail that sat on the top of her head, a braid was on one side. Her paint on her face that she wore was smudged slightly in some places, her black jacket that she wore was a little but too big for her, but it fit with her grounder apparel. After Indra made Octavia her second, she started to dress more like grounders, which made her stick out even _mor_ e when she was in Arkadia.

"Let's go." Octavia says, as she starts to walk off into the ship. Murphy follows hot on her heals, making sure not to loose her. The walked through hanger bay, not a word was said between the two, only the sounds of Octavia's arrows clanking together on her back were audible.

"Are you sure?" Octavia said, breaking the silence between them.

"What?" Murphy says, not sure what Octavia was asking. The pair make a right turn, bringing them closer to where Octavia knew Clarke would be.

"Are you sure Lexa's alive?" Octavia stops, and turns around to face Murphy.

"Positive... One of the grounders took me from the cave where I was sleeping, I thought he was going to kill me. He brought me to Lexa, told me I needed to heal her. I told him I wasn't a doctor, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. I learned enough from watching Clarke when the sickness struck the drop ship that I knew what I was doing. I was going to come here sooner but I didn't know if she remembered anything." Murphy explains to Octavia.

"I'm not the one you need to be explaining this too." Octavia says. She waits for a moment before speaking again, "She is."

Octavia points to Clarke, who had just rounded a corner on her way back from medbay.

**_Two_ ** **_hours_ ** **_earlier_ ** **_._ **

_The_ _guard_ _had_ _pointed_ _his_ _gun_ _at_ _the_ _people_ _whom_ _had_ _just_ _entered_ _the_ _gate_ _to_ _Arkadia_ _._ _They_ _were_ _all_ _visibly_ _sick_ _,_ _and_ _the_ _guard_ _wouldn't_ _let_ _them_ _in_ _._

 _"_ _Don't_ _move_ _."_ _He_ _ordered_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _directed_ _his_ _gun_ _to_ _the_ _man_ _whom_ _had_ _tried_ _to_ _get_ _off_ _his_ _knees_ _._

 _"_ _Please_ _,"_ _Nyko_ _pleaded_ _, "_ _They_ _need_ _Skaikru_ _medicine_ _."_

 _Bellamy_ _,_ _Clarke_ _and_ _Miller_ _had_ _all_ _emerged_ _from_ _the_ _Ark_ _when_ _they_ _heard_ _the_ _commotion_ _coming_ _from_ _the_ _front_ _gate_ _._ _They_ _began_ _walking_ _towards_ _the_ _gate_ _when_ _they_ _heard_ _the_ _mans_ _words_ _._

 _"_ _Move_ _._ _Stand_ _back_ _."_ _Bellamy_ _ordered_ _to_ _the_ _crowd_ _whom_ _had_ _gathered_ _behind_ _the_ _guard_ _._ _Bellamy_ _pushes_ _the_ _guards_ _gun_ _down_ _,_ _making_ _sure_ _it_ _wasn't_ _pointed_ _at_ _anyone_ _._

 _"_ _Nyko_ _."_ _Clarke_ _said_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _looked_ _at_ _Nyko_ _._ _He_ _got_ _to_ _his_ _feet_ _and_ _faced_ _Clarke_ _._ _The_ _blonde_ _haired_ _girl_ _couldn't_ _recognize_ _anyone_ _else_ _,_ _as_ _they_ _all_ _had_ _their_ _heads_ _bowed_ _,_ _as_ _if_ _they_ _were_ _afraid_ _to_ _look_ _at_ _them_ _..._ _or_ _too_ _sick_ _to_ _move_

 _"_ _What_ _if_ _its_ _a_ _grounder_ _attack_ _like_ _they_ _did_ _with_ _Murphy_ _?"_ _Miller_ _had_ _said_ _,_ _making_ _Nyko_ _take_ _a_ _step_ _closer_ _to_ _the_ _Arkadians_ _._

 _"_ _What_ _happened_ _to_ _them_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _had_ _asked_ _,_ _completely_ _ignoring_ _what_ _Miller_ _had_ _said_ _._

 _"_ _The_ _sickness_ _._ _We_ _lost_ _more_ _than_ _forty_ _on_ _the_ _way_ _."_ _Nyko_ _says_ _,_ _making_ _most_ _of_ _the_ _kneeling_ _people_ _lift_ _their_ _heads_ _up_ _._

 _"_ _Luna_ _?"_ _Bellamy_ _says_ _,_ _noticing_ _the_ _caramel_ _colored_ _haired_ _girl_ _._ _She_ _looked_ _pale_ _,_ _her_ _skin_ _shiny_ _with_ _sweat_ _._

 _"_ _Please_ _don't_ _turn_ _us_ _away_ _because_ _of_ _what_ _I_ _did_ _to_ _you_ _."_ _Luna_ _says_ _,_ _a_ _tear_ _rolling_ _down_ _her_ _cheek_ _._

 _"_ _Out_ _of_ _my_ _way_ _._ _Please_ _let_ _me_ _through_ _."_ _A_ _voice_ _had_ _said_ _from_ _behind_ _the_ _crowd_ _._ _Abby_ _and_ _Raven_ _had_ _emerged_ _from_ _the_ _large_ _group_ _of_ _people_ _and_ _started_ _walking_ _towards_ _the_ _sick_ _grounders_ _._ _Raven_ _had_ _stopped_ _on_ _the_ _right_ _side_ _of_ _Clarke_ _while_ _Abby_ _had_ _walked_ _towards_ _Luna_ _._

 _The_ _girl_ _looked_ _a_ _little_ _frightened_ _,_ _but_ _eased_ _up_ _when_ _Abby_ _put_ _her_ _hand_ _on_ _Luna's_ _._ _She_ _put_ _her_ _other_ _hand_ _on_ _Luna's_ _head_ _,_ _checking_ _her_ _temperature_ _._

 _"_ _Mom_ _,_ _what_ _is_ _this_ _?"_ _Clarke_ _asks_ _her_ _mom_ _._ _Abby_ _looks_ _back_ _to_ _Clarke_ _and_ _the_ _others_ _._

 _"_ _Fever_ _,_ _lesions_ _,_ _vomiting_ _._ _Its_ _ARS_ _."_ _Abby_ _says_ _._

 _"_ _What's_ _ARS_ _?"_ _Bellamy_ _had_ _asked_ _,_ _not_ _ever_ _hearing_ _that_ _before_ _._

 _"_ _Acute_ _radiation_ _sickness_ _._ _When_ _did_ _the_ _symptoms_ _start_ _?"_ _Abby_ _had_ _turned_ _her_ _attention_ _back_ _to_ _the_ _grounder_ _._

 _"_ _Not_ _sure_ _._ _Right_ _before_ _the_ _fish_ _started_ _dying_ _."_ _Luna_ _said_ _._

 _"_ _The_ _fish_ _are_ _dying_ _?"_ _Raven_ _said_ _,_ _breaking_ _her_ _silence_ _._

 _"_ _Floating_ _on_ _the_ _sea_ _to_ _the_ _horizon_ _in_ _every_ _direction_ _."_ _Nyko_ _had_ _answered_ _._

 _"_ _It's_ _not_ _contagious_ _._ _Lets_ _get_ _them_ _to_ _medbay_ _._ _Come_ _on_ _."_ _Abby_ _spoke_ _._ _Nyko_ _grabbed_ _a_ _little_ _girl_ _whom_ _was_ _kneeling_ _on_ _the_ _side_ _of_ _Luna_ _,_ _and_ _started_ _carrying_ _her_ _in_ _his_ _arms_ _._ _Raven_ _walked_ _up_ _to_ _Luna_ _and_ _put_ _one_ _of_ _the_ _girls_ _arms_ _over_ _her_ _own_ _shoulder_ _._

 _"_ _I_ _got_ _you_ _._ _OK_ _._ _All_ _right_ _._ _There_ _you_ _go_ _._ _I_ _got_ _you_ _Luna_ _."_ _She_ _had_ _whispered_ _softly_ _to_ _the_ _girl_ _,_ _and_ _started_ _to_ _follow_ _Nyko_ _into_ _medbay_ _._ _Bunch_ _of_ _men_ _from_ _the_ _crowd_ _started_ _to_ _grab_ _some_ _of_ _the_ _sick_ _children_ _and_ _carry_ _them_ _,_ _being_ _as_ _gentle_ _as_ _they_ _could_ _._

 _"_ _It's_ _already_ _here_ _."_ _Clarke_ _had_ _whispered_ _to_ _her_ _self_ _._

_________________

_"They're getting worse. There's got to be something we can_ _do_ _."_ _Clarke_ _said_ _to_ _her_ _mother_ _and_ _Jackson_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _looked_ _at_ _the_ _beds_ _of_ _sick_ _,_ _throwing_ _up_ _people_ _,_ _children_ _._

 _"_ _Delactivene_ _might help, but Raven's got the meds on lockdown."_ _Jackson_ _says_ _._

 _"Leave Raven to me. What, exactly, do the tests show?"_ _Abby_ _asks_ _Jackson_ _._

 _"The exposure is acute. Without treatment, there's little to no chance of recovery. It looks like the radiation is internal, ingested from irradiate fish. None of the outbreaks appear to be from airborne exposure. That's the good news."_ _Jackson_ _said_ _,_ _a_ _little_ _glimmer_ _of_ _hope_ _glistening_ _in_ _his_ _eyes_ _._

 _"Not for them."_ _Abby_ _sighs_ _out_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _looks_ _at_ _Luna_ _._

 _"You think I deserve this for refusing the flame?"_ _Luna_ _asks_ _Bellamy_ _,_ _her_ _voice_ _weak_ _and_ _horse_ _._

_"No one deserves to suffer." Bellamy shook his head, "Besides, this would've happened anyway."_

_"This is all that's left of my people. Can you save them?"_ _Luna_ _asks_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _shifts_ _her_ _gaze_ _to_ _Abby_ _and_ _Clark's_ _._

_"We'll do everything we can. You have my word."_

________________ _

_"So Luna's rig is here, and if the fish in these waters are dying, well, basically we're screwed."_ _Raven_ _explains_ _to_ _Bellamy_ _and_ _Clarke_ _._ _She_ _points_ _to_ _a_ _spot_ _on_ _the_ _map_ _in_ _front_ _of_ _her_ _,_ _where_ _Luna's_ _rig_ _is_ _._

 _"I don't_ _understand_ _._ _ALIE_ _said we had six months."_ _Bellamy_ _says_ _,_ _his_ _elbows_ _resting_ _on_ _the_ _table_ _,_ _head_ _in_ _hands_ _._

 _"We don't."_ _Raven_ _says_ _._

 _"Well, then how long do we have?" Clarke asks, making_ _Bellamy_ _straighten_ _up_ _his_ _back_ _,_ _standing_ _tall_ _on_ _Clarke's_ _left_ _side_ _,_ _looking_ _at_ _Raven_ _._

 _" It's hard to say."_ _Raven_ _starts_ , " _Radiation is dispersed by jet stream and carried by ocean currents, so it's not an exact science, but the leading indicators are small species_ _die-offs_ _\-- fish, insects. Based on the new data, i'd say we have... two months of survivability... maybe less."_

_"The Ark won't be ready." Bellamy shakes his head._

_"It'll be close. If we triple the man hours and work round the clock, we should be able to achieve a hard seal before the black rain comes. We just have to decide who gets to live here." Raven says, as she looks at Clarke._

_"Raven, we're not talking about the list again."_ _Clarke_ _huffs_ _out_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _runs_ _a_ _hand_ _through_ _her_ _hair_ _._

 _"Clarke,"_ _Raven_ _starts_ _, "We are running out of time. We have to make a plan for the day we close the doors, drill for it, make sure only the survivors have guns, agree on protocols for dealing with the people who are pissed off they're not chosen. You asked me to be in charge of rationing, and I am doing it, but choosing who gets to live or die is your specialty."_


	5. Chapter Five: Pretty Sure You Had A Cult For A While Too.

**Chapter Five: Pretty Sure You Had A Cult For A While Too.**

"Murphy i swear to god if you're lying-" Clarke pases around the room, chewing on her fingernails, a habit that's she's gotten quite used to- Lex used to do it too, when she was nervous.

"I'm not." Murphy scratches behind his neck, and lets out a loud sigh. "I could take you to her, before she gets moved again."

"Moved?" Raven asked.

"Yeah. The guy who keeps her moves her every month or so, gets her a new healer. My month is almost up." Murphy explains to the group.

"Where is he keeping her?" Clarke asked. A part of her always knew she was still alive, but Clarke never listened to that part much.

"Right on the southern outskirts of Azgeda territory." Murphy says.

"Why so far?" Bellamy asks.

"So no one can find her." Octavia answers for Murphy. She looks at Clarke, she looks... _Hopefull_ _._

"Murphy, do you know the name of the man who's keeping her?" Bellamy asked, as he notices how on edge Clarke looks.

"Clarke... do you remember that grounder who took me? The one who shot Lexa?" Murphy says, as he tries to remember the name of that bald man.

"Titus?" Clarke stops dead in her tracks, and looks at Murphy. He looks at Clarke, and nods slowly.

"Yeah, Titus." Murphy says, "I've only talked to him few times, but he seems like a lunatic."

"Fuck." Clarke puts her elbows on the table, and sets her head in her hands as she emits out a low shakey breath. Everything she thought she knew was wrong, _Lexa's_ _alive_ _,_ she always kept telling her self, _I_ _know_ _she_ _is_ _._

After a while she just... Gave up hope, hopeless for one year, thirteen days, seven hours and fourty-six minutes.

Clarke's emotions ran ragged through her body. She didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to feel, _wha_ t to feel. It's as if the world stopped, it was just her, she was alone, no one left to save her, love her...

She didn't know if she should believe Murphy, but she wants too. She wants to believe, that the love of her life is still out there, waiting to be found. That she _coul_ d find her, and she would fall even more in love with the green eyed girl. She wants to be with Lexa, but she doesn't know of what Murphy's saying is true.

If it is true, then she gets to see Lexa again. She wants to get to hold her again, get to teach about the past, get to say those three words that Clarke always wanted to say, but never had the guts to

But, if Murphy's lying... Then she risks getting her heart broken again. She gets to risk all of her hope and live that she has for the people and things around her because she's too busy mourning over Lexa. She would risk hating Murphy- _more_ \- and risk her sanity.

"When can we go? When is the soonest we can go?" Octavia asked for Clarke, knowing the blonde haired girl would never ask that question.

"Tonight maybe, sundown." Murphy shrugged.

"Okay, but just us five, no one else, no until were sure Murphy isn't lying." Clarke says.

"I'm _no_ t lying." Murphy rolls his eyes, "What did I ever do to make you all hate me so much?"

"You shot Raven."

"You hung Bellamy."

"You're a dick."

"You're also a thief."

"Plus a murderer."

"Pretty sure you had a cult for a while too."

"Okay okay okay I get it, I'm a horrible person." Murphy says, as Raven nods in agreement, her head pounding from the pain in her leg.

"Horrible isn't a strong enough word." Raven bites back.

"We leave at sundown, pack what you need, nothing more." Bellamy says. Without hesitation, he sends a right hook to Murphys jaw, "If I find out you're lying, I'll skin you alive."

____________

_"Shouldn't you be working on the patch to sector 5?"_ _Raven_ _questions_ _,_ _as_ _her_ _,_ _Clarke_ _,_ _Bellamy_ _,_ _and_ _Octavia_ _walk_ _over_ _to_ _a_ _Rover_ _which_ _was_ _just_ _started_ _._ _No_ _one_ _was_ _authorized_ _to_ _take_ _the_ _Rover_ _,_ _so_ _it_ _rose_ _some_ _suspicion_ _from_ _the_ _set_ _of_ _teens_ _._

 _"A patch for a ship that can only save a hundred people? Why are you surprised? I am an engineer. We have no way to generate water. The harder number is 400. Can you really sentence 400 more of our own people to death?"_ _Jaha_ _asks_ _,_ _his_ _gaze_ _directed_ _to_ _Clarke_ _._

 _"We don't have a choice."_ _She_ _shakes_ _her_ _head_ _._

 _"What if you do? What if I told you there might be a fallout shelter less than a day's drive from here, a fallout shelter built to sustain thousands?"_ _Jaha_ _says_ _._

_"We've been through the chancellor's files."_ _Bellamy_ _starts, "All the bunkers you considered for the hundred were listed as compromised or unviable, and now Mount Weather is, too."_

_"Those were government bunkers."_ _Jaha_ _hands_ _them_ _a_ _tablet_ _with_ _a_ _news_ _article_ _on_ _it_ _._

 _"A doomsday cult?"_ _Octavia_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _she_ _reads_ _over_ _the_ _article_ _carefully_ _._

 _"That's right -- the second dawn."_ _Jaha_ _nods_ _._

 _"They built a bunker?"_ _Raven_ _asks_ _._

 _"Their whole theology was based on riding out the end of the world."_ _Jaha_ _confirms_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _takes_ _the_ _tablet_ _back_ _,_ _and_ _shuts_ _to_ _driver_ _door_ _to_ _the_ _Rover_ _._

 _"And why didn't you consider it?"_ _Clarke_ _asks_ _._

 _"We couldn't prove it existed."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _._

 _"So why are you considering it now?"_ _Bellamy_ _asks_ _._

 _"Because before now, we didn't need it."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _puts_ _the_ _Rover_ _in_ _gear_ _,_ _prepared_ _to_ _leave_ _Arkadia_ _._

 _"You found it, didn't you?"_ _Bellamy_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _looks_ _at_ _Jaha_ _._ _The_ _older_ _man_ _seems_ _full_ _of_ _determination_ _._

 _"We can't be sure unless we check it out."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _._

_"No. No way." Raven jabs,"We need that rover for hauling pieces of a 3-ton patch we're build--"_

_"Yeah, but if he's right we don't need a patch."_ _Octavia_ _says_ _._

 _"Can I talk to you guys for a second?"_ _Raven_ _asks_ _._ _The_ _teens_ _walk_ _away_ _from_ _Jaha_ _,_ _not_ _too_ _far_ _so_ _they_ _can_ _keep_ _an_ _eye_ _on_ _him_ _,_ _but_ _not_ _close_ _enough_ _that_ _he_ _can_ _hear_ _them_ _._

 _"Can you please remind Octavia what happened the last time_ _Jaha_ _went looking for salvation?"_ _Raven_ _knaws_ _on_ _the_ _inside_ _of_ _her_ _mouth_ _._

 _"Raven, if that bunker is real, we can save a lot more than a hundred people."_ _Octavia_ _fires_ _back_ _._

 _"If it's not, we've lost another day."_ _Raven_ _shifts_ _her_ _weight_ _on_ _her_ _feet_ _._

 _"Hey, look. If it's not, I'll make the list..._ _ok_ _?"_ _Raven_ _rolls_ _her_ _eyes_ _at_ _the_ _blonde_ _haired_ _girl_ _._

 _"Oh, do what you want. I've got a ship to_ _seal_ _."_ _Raven_ _walks_ _back_ _into_ _the_ _ship_ _,_ _leaving_ _her_ _friends_ _in_ _the_ _the_ _hanger_ _bay_ _._

_"I'll drive."_ _Jaha_ _says as the three teens climb into the Rover. As they drive out of_ _Arkadia_ _,_ _Jaha_ _hands them the sane tablet that had the news article on it,_ _only_ _now it has a video._

_"The end is coming. Hear me as I say it this time. The end is coming, and it's coming soon."_ _Cadogan_ _speaks_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _grabs_ _the_ _audiences_ _attention_ _._

 _"He gave this speech two weeks before the bombs."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _drives_ _through_ _the_ _forest_ _,_ _carefully_ _not_ _to_ _hit_ _any_ _trees_ _._

 _"The world is dark and getting darker all the time. Everything we once trusted has turned on us-- government, religion. Even technology has become a weapon in their hands used to poison our minds. I know you're in pain. I know you're afraid, but it doesn't have to be like this. There is a way out of the darkness. I can show it to you. You can be saved. Join me. Join us, and together when the horsemen come, from the ashes, we will rise."_ _Once_ _the_ _video_ _ends_ _,_ _Bellamy_ _hands_ _the_ _tablet_ _back_ _to_ _Jaha_ _._

 _"Please tell me you have more than_ _this_ _."_ _Bellamy_ _says_ _._

 _"In the two years before the bombs,_ _Cadogan_ _sold off most of the Second Dawn's real estate holdings, generating tens of millions of dollars, but there was one thing he didn't sell. I found this in his autobiography. It's his childhood home. His father built a bunker there to save his family. I think_ _Cadogan_ _used the church's money to expand it."_ _Jaha_ _explains_ _._

 _"He grew up there. Maybe he kept it for sentimental value."_ _Clarke_ _shrugs_ _._

 _"Hmm. His father beat him almost daily in that house. He hated living there."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _,_ _as_ _he_ _takes_ _a_ _sharp_ _left_ _turn_ _,_ _jerking_ _the_ _Rove_ _r_ _a_ _little_ _bit_ _._

 _'"Why keep it if you're liquidating everything else?"_ _Octavia_ _asked_ _in_ _an_ _confused_ _tone_ _._

 _"Because that bunker is there. I can feel it."_ _Jaha_ _says_ _._

 _"Guy sounds like a religious fanatic to me."_ _Bellamy_ _rolls_ _his_ _eyes_ _at_ _the_ _former_ _Chancellor_ _._

_"Maybe,"_ _Jaha_ _nods, "Or maybe he was just a leader willing to do whatever it took to save his people."_


	6. Chapter Six: If Love Is Weekness, Maybe I Don't Want To Be Strong

**Chapter Six: If Love Is Weekness, Maybe I Don't Want To Be Strong**

The few hours Clarke had before sundown were treacherous. She had next to nothing to do, so she found herself looking out the window at least once every ten minutes.

Her mind was racing a million miles an hour. She didn't know what to feel, let alone _how_ to feel. All of her emotions were jumbled up, and she couldn't seem to access them.

_Anger, fear, love, hope, excitement, defeat..._

They all felt like the same, she couldn't deceiver which emotion was which, which one she was supposed to feel. She knew she should be happy, she knew that she should be glad, but she... _wasn't._

She didn't feel anything, maybe she was in shock, maybe she just didn't process it yet.

Clarke didn't know why she felt this way, felt so... _off._ She wanted to be happy, but for some reason, her brain wouldn't let her.

Maybe it was a sign, maybe Lexa really wasn't alive. Or maybe she was, and Murphy was just lying. Whatever it was that the universe was trying to tell her, she knew it was serious, yet, she couldn't stop her self from wanting to go.

She knew that she should tell Trikru, but she didn't want to get their hopes up. It would hurt Clarke to subject someone to that pain, especially someone who was close to Lexa.

It was never easy for Trikru, accepting Clarke. They thought that Lexa was being weak, falling in love was weak.

(

_"Love is weakness."_ _Lexa_ _had whispered, her breath hitting Clarke's lips, making the blonde haired girl hitch._

_"If love is weakness, maybe I don't want to be strong." Clarke replied, as her eyes shift from_ _Lexa's_ _lips to her eyes_ _._

_"_ _Maybe_ _I was never strong."_ _Lexa_ _shook her head, as she took a small step back, making Clarke let out a_ _soft sigh._

_"You're the strongest person I know, Lex." Clarke looked up into the commanders green eyes, the flecks of gold swirling arround, getting tied up in the dots of purple._

_"Than how can I be so in love with you?"_

_Lexa's_ _question made Clarke smile, something she did very often in the dark haired girls presence._

_"Love makes you strong."_

_)_

Of course, Lexa never really believed that love made you weak, and she never would. She knew how hard it was for people to admit that they were in love, and it takes a lot of strength to admit it.

Clarke let out an ear deafening sigh. She missed Lexa. She couldn't deny that, she missed Lexa more than she had ever missed anyone.

She tried to fill the hole in her heart with different things, hell, she even kissed Bellamy. She didn't really know why she did it, but as soon as she did it she knew it didn't feel right.

She worked at the hospital with Abby and Jackson for a few months, before her mother put her on Suicide Watch. After that, she didn't really feel the need to help.

She went scouting with Octavia, she spent time in Polis with Aden, she helped Raven out as much as she could, but nothing ever really made her feel completely whole again.

She didn't know if she would ever feel hole again, the only thing she knew was that she wanted to be whole. She needed to be whole, she craved it. That special feeling that so many people around her felt. She wanted to know what was so special, what made them all so happy.

Maybe she thought Lexa could make her whole, and that's why she wanted to rescue her so bad. Maybe she just wanted to save her because it was the right thing, she didn't know which it was, she just knew that it needed to happen.  
  


_______________

_The sounds of a door opening and closing brought Clarke out of her daze. Without even turning around, she knew who it was. With a click of her tongue, and her eyes rolling into the back of her head, she turned around._

_"What part of "i won't see you" was unclear?" Clarke said, as she looked at the last person on the earth that she wanted to see._

_"I respected you wishes for a week, Clarke. We've got bigger concerns." Lexa takes a step towards Clarke, her eyes land apon a faint scar resting on the blonds throat._

_""We" don't have any concerns at all." Clarke growls out as she shoulder-checks Lexa._

_"Yes, we do. I'm hosting a summit with Skaikru at sundown. You'll be returned to your people." Lexa lets out a soft breath, and she closes her eyes for a split second, processing the hate that Clarke is spewing at her._

_"You went to all that trouble to capture me just to let me go?" Clarke asks, a hint of confusion in her voice._

_"I went to all that trouble to save you." Lexa shakes her head._

_"You know when i could have used saving? When you abandoned me at Mount Weather." Clarke spits._

_"Clearly, you didn't need my help." Lexa argues._

_"Clearly." Clarke scoffs, as she folds her arms._

_"You're angry, Clarke, but i know you." Lexa starts, "What you've done haunts you,_ _and its easier to hate me that it is to hate yourself."_

_"Oh, I can do both." Clarke scoffs._

_"What would you have done if their leader had offered you the deal: Save your people at the price of mine?" Lexa says," Would you really have chosen differently?"_

_"I don't betray my friends." Clarke looks into Lexa's eyes, and theirs something indescribable in them, something that she's never seen before._

_"But you did. You had friends in Mount Weather." Lexa shifts uncomfortably under Clarke's gaze._

_"Those deaths are on you, too. The only difference is, you have no honor, and i had no choice." Clarke walks away from Lexa, knowing that if she stays, she's going to do something stupid. Clarke walks towards the door, only to be stopped by a hand._

_"It helps no one to dwell on the past, and that's not why I'm here. You're right. I'm not just letting you go back to your people. I want something more. I want your people to become my people. I'm offering Skaikru the chance to join my coalition, become the 13th Clan.. No one would dare to move against you because that would mean moving against me." Lexa offers, making Clarke turn on her heals, a scoff escaping her lips._

_"Just leave me alone. Do you understand that? I left." Clarke growls at Lexa, making the green eyed girl flinch slightly._

_"You can't run away from w_ _ho you are, Clarke. Join me. Bow before me and your people will be safe." Lexa says._

_"Bow before you? You don't give a damn about my people. I know why you're here. I made you look weak at Mount Weather, and now the Ice Nation is exploding that. Well, if you want the power of Wanheda, kill me. Take it. Otherwise, go float yourself because i will never bow to you."_


	7. Chapter Seven: Heda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should have another chapter up later today or tomorrow. 
> 
> does anyone even read this though?

**Chapter Seven: Heda**

Lexa let out a slow and soft cough, her hands instinctively went to clutch her stomach. Her head falls back, hitting the wall behind her and sending out a thumping noise that echoed through out the room. She closed her eyes and began to wonder when John was coming back. _Surely it would be soon_ , she thought.

She couldn't remember the last time that he had showed up to bandage her wounds. Her eyes began to tremble in the back of her head as she attempts to stand up. She retracts one of her arms behind her, and picks up something she never thought that she would ever touch in her whole life. She hovered her finger over the trigger, and waited for her captor to enter.

She lets out a deep breath, and attempts to stand up. She puts her free hand on her knee, and uses her legs to slowly push her self up. Her left foot cracks, giving out on her, making her fall back to the ground.

"C'mon,"She whispers to herself, "Its now or never."

She grabs a-hold of the wall, presses both feet flat on the floor, and tries her best to stand up. When her body is half way up, she holds it, giving her body the time it needs to recharge. She closes her eyes, and pushes her self up the rest of the way. She re-positioned her hand on the wall, and used it to help her walk around the room.

Once she reached the indent to where the door was, she stopped. She looked at the gun in her hand, and took a deep breath.

 _"Only three bullets,"_ John had told her, _"Gotta make em' count."_

Lexa stood there and waited for what seemed like an eternity. All of a sudden, she heard a set of footsteps. She took another deep breath, and raised her gun.

"Don't. Move."

Titus put his hands up, and shifted his weight between his feet. Lexa noticed how bad the mans hands were shaking.

"What part of 'don't move' is unclear to you?"

"Forgive me, Heda," Titus spoke, "I never meant to cause you harm."

"No? Than what were you planning to do? Kill Clarke?"

"This alliance would have costed you your life Heda."

"That was not you decision to make and you know that." Lexa argues, as she pressed the gun to the back of Titus's head.

"I couldn't risk it," Titus shook his head, and turned to face Lexa, "Those people are not to be trusted."

"I think you're the one who's not to be trusted. Correct me if I'm wrong, but none of them went as far as to shoot and kidnap me." Lexa hovers her finger over the trigger, ready to shoot Titus.

"Heda, you have to listen to me." Titus pleads.

"Talk."

__________________

Clarke Griffin didn't like to wait. She hated waiting. She didn't like the agony and anxiety that it brings, but she was very familiar with waiting. She waited almost 18 years before she was brought down here. She waited for ever to get over Finn, and than she waited until she could be with Lexa.

Now she had to wait to see if Lexa was even alive, and she thought that it was unfair. She shouldn't have to wait for something like this, not when it was tearing her apart.

When the sun hid behind the trees, Clarke knew that she should make her way to the gate. She slung her bag over her shoulder. She had in it everything that she thought that she would need. Bandages, water, extra rations, and a small handgun, if needed it's fully loaded, but she hoped it isn't needed.

She only had to wait a few moments for Raven and Octavia to reach the gate. They were so close together, they might as well be intertwined. Their hands always brushing up against each other, their shoulders staying against each other, and their hips bumping into each other with every step they took.

The sight made Clarke roll her eyes. The two were always like that, always so lovey-dovey, even though they're not really even together.

"What are you rolling your eyes at, Griffin?" Octavia teased, as the pair joined Clarke at the gate.

"You two." Clarke smirked, as she nudges her shoulder with Octavia's, making Raven stumble slightly.

"Bitch." Octavia said as she tried to help Raven stedy herself.

Clarke laughed at her two best friends.

Soon after Clarke was done teasing her two friends, Bellamy and Murphy walkes out of Arkadia, the both seem very pissed about something.

"I can practically smell the testatrone from here." Octavia says as she rolls her eyes in the back of her head.

"Not a good smell." Raven says.

"Are we just saying that because we're all gay?"

"Mmm, none of us are gay Clarke. You mean bi."

"Close enough."

"Did this bitch just-"

Before Raven could complete her scentence, the boy's bickering was becoming audible, and very anoying every second the sound grew.

"Just because you don't like me doesn't mean you have to be a dick, Bellamy."

"I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it means."

"Jesus." Raven rolled her eyes, as the trio wated for the two boys to get to the gate.

"How the hell are we suposed to get there? Fly?" Octavia asked, it was aimed at no one imparticular.

"Oh, about that-" Before Bellamy could finish, the sound of hooves hitting the ground could be heard, it was faint, but still audible.

Anya and Indra, along with four extra horses arived at the gate.

"I thought we weren't telling anyone, Bellamy." Clarke said, a hit of anger in her voice.

"They're her people."

"So what does that make us?"

"Their people."

____________________

The ride to the Ice Nation was long and treacherous, full of small banter, but it was mostly quiet, with the exception of Raven and Octavia. As Indra and Anya only brought four extra horses, two had to double up. It was quiet obvious to the team that Octavia and Raven should be the ones to be on the same horse.

"How much longer, O?" Raven asked, as she rested her head onto Octavia's back.

"Not much longer, my little bird." Octavia anwsered, making Clarke playfully roll her eyes.

After about two more hours of riding, a loud bang went off.

"What the hell was that?" Bellamy exclaimed, as he stopped his horse.

"John are we close?" Indra asked, as she looked around her surroundings.

John slowly got off his horse, the rest followed. He looked around, trying to remember where Titus held Lexa.

His lips twitched, as he spotted the entrance in the distance.

"Over there." He said, as he pointed to it.

Indra and Anya looked to where he was pointing.

"Azgeda war bunker. It was abandoned when the coalition began." Anya says, as she slowly steps towards it.

"No." Indra says, as she puts her hand out. "That's where the shot was."

"She's in there, and the longer we wait the close Titus could be to getting here." Murphy said.

"Clarke, it's your call." Bellamy says, as he turns his head to the blonde haired girl.

"Bell she could be down there..." Clarke said.

Okay." Bellamy said.

The group walked to where Murphy had pointed, slowly and carefully. The close they got, the more noise they heard. Grunts, it sounded like. It was the grunts of someone that was in pain. Murphy, being the only one to have been there before, took the lead.

He stopped at the door, and turned around to look at Clarke. She nodded to him, singling to open the door.

With one hard push, the door to the bunker opened.

"Lexa..."


	8. Chapter Eight: I'm Not Gunna Throw You A Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa reunion, finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how long should i make this fic? i've planned most of it out, but i could condense or stretch it out.

**Chapter Eight: I'm Not Gunna Throw You A Parade**

"Lexa..."

Clarke felt like she was going to pass out. Her hear was racing, her palms were sweaty. She was alive.

Lexa's head snapped up, as she looked at the people in the door way.

"C-clarke?" Lexa asked, as she looked to the blonde haired girl. _Clark_ e. She came for her. She came..

Before Clarke had a chance to walk towards Lexa, she could see that the girl was in pain. Clarke looked to Lexa's hand, a small black gun was placed inbetween her fingers.

"Lex.. where did you get that?" Clarke asked, as she slowly made her way over to the fragile girl, stepping over Titus's lifeless body.

"I gave it to her." John spoke, "I see you made it, Commander."

"You came back?" Lexa asked. She slowly pulled her body up, as weak and fragile as ever. She looked around and the people standing in front of the door, their shadows finding life on the wall behind her.

There were familiar faces, Indra, Anya, Octavia, Raven, Bellamy. She recognized all of them, it made her feel safe.

"Anya? I thought you were dead?" Lexa asked, as Clarke put an arm around her waist, to help her maintain her balance.

"I could say the same about you, Heda." Anya smiles. She looked at Titus, a haint of pain in her eyes. Not because he was dead, no, but because she wasn't the one to kill him.

Clarke helped Lexa walk to the entrance, where Octavia and Bellamy then lifted her up and carried her to a horse.

"What do we do about him?" Raven asked, as she motioned to the lifeless body on the ground.

"He is a traitor, we leave him." Indra answered.

The group walked out of the bunker, and shut the door, leaving Titus to rot, not like he didn't deserve it.

"Raven?" Lexa choked out, as she balanced herself on the horse, Clarke getting behind her, placing her left hand on Lexa's thigh, and her right on the ropes.

"Yeah?" Raven asked, confused as to why the brown haired girl would be adressing her.

"Did.." Lexa let out a shaky breath, "Did you ask out Octavia yet?"

Clarke smirked softly, even Lexa cought the vibe better the two.

Raven, however, looked like she was a cherry. her face was red, and she was stiff. It was clear that Lexa's comment had cought her off guard.

"Uh.. no, no, i haven't uh.. haven't done that yet." Raven replied, mentally scolding herself for the last word she spoke out. _yet._ the word _yet_ implied that something was going to happen.

Octavia was silent, possibly the most silent she had ever been. On the inside, Ckarke knew the girl was freaking out. She could tell by the small furrow in her brow.

Clarke smiled soflt as she felt Lexa lean back into her, not so much that they would fall off the horse, Ginger was her name, but enough that each being of their body was touching.

__________________

_Lexa is asleep on a couch and Clarke is, well, Clarke is admiring her, drawing her in charcoal. She never planned to show anyone, definitely not Lexa._ _Clarke took pride in her work, but she always hid it from the world._

_Lexa_ _looked peaceful, Clarke noted. She looked as if she had not one care in the world, the blonde obviously knew this wasn't true, but she could sure hope so._

_Lexa, however, within moments, her body jerked up, her lungs struggling to take in the amount of air they required._

_Clarke shot up and knealed down infront of the struggling girl, her hands on either cheek._

_"Hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay." Clarke cooed, trying her best efforts to keep the Commander calm. "What were you dreaming about?"_

_"Commanders before me, they speak to me in my sleep." Lexa breathed out, as she looked into Clarke's eyes. "I saw their deaths. At war, at the hands of an assassin."_

_"It was just a nightmare." Clarke said, as she watched beads of sweat travel down the taller girls forehead. She was tempted to reach out and wipe it away, but then decided against it, concluding that it was too personal for this moment._

_"No. No, it’s a warning. They think I’m betraying their legacy. Jus drein jus daun has always, always been the way of our people." Lexa voices, fear trembling her voice, making her sound weak._

_"Listen to me." Clarke said, as she rested her forehead against the other girls, "A cease-fire is not a betrayal. What you did on that battlefield stopped a war. Your legacy will be peace."_

_Lexa's heart was pounding a thousand miles a second, from her face being so close to Clarke's, and because her nightmare and shook her to the bones._

_The commander stood up, making Clarke back up slightly, before sitting down where the other girl was._

_Lexa walked towards the door, but before she did so, she cought something out of the corner of her eye. She picked it up, amazed._

_"Oh, that’s – it’s not finished yet." Clarke stumbles over her words. She tries her best to read Lexa's face. A small smile appeared on the Commander's face._

_"It's beautiful."_

_The two stand there for a moment, there eyes never leaving eachothers. Clarke was tempted to say something, to say anything, but thought it was best not to._

_The two averted there eyes away from the other, a knock at the door ripping the two from their own little world._

_"Enter."_

  
____________________

The ride back to Arkadia was a long one, Clarke didn't mind though. Lexa was close to her, while she was asleep, Clarke could still hear the sound of her breath. 

Clarke stared down at the taller girl, knowing that Ginger knew very well where she was going. The blonde haired girl never thought this would be a possibility, never though that she would finally be able to be close to the girl again. Never thought she would be able to see her beautiful green eyes, or the way her eyes brows frow together when she doesn't understand something. Or the way her voice gets softer when she talkes to her, or even the nightbloods. 

She missed it. She missed it with every fiber in her body. She missed being so close to her, she missed being able to hold her, and touch her, and kiss her. She missed the little stollen glances they would always take at one another, and missed when they would argue and something inside Lexa would snap snd she would become the most caring and loving person in this world.

But most of all, Clarke missed Lexa's voice. She missed the way her voice would calm her down in an instant. She missed her laugh, and the way she would try and conceal it when other people were around. 

She missed how snarky the taller girl was, it was adorable. She also missed how much Lexa cared for her, no one had ever cared for her that much.

Clarke was happy. Happy for the first time in forever, happy that Lexa was alive, and safe. Happy that she could finally tell the girl just how she felt, the right way. 

She noticed that everyone seemed to be watching the two, seeing how they were coping. Clarke smiled softly at Anya, letting her know that she was okay. Her and Anya had developed a strong bond, while it was a rocky one at first, they also developed a friendship. They carried very much about the other. 

"I told you i wasn't lying," Murphy said. Clarke rolled her eyes, of course he would take a moment like this and gloat about himself.

"You saved yourself a beatdown, not the world." Bellamy bite back. Clarke, however, would have to disagree with that.

He _did_ save the world. He saved _her_ world, and that was enough for Clarke.

"If you're waiting for me to throw you a parade, it's not gonna happen. You did one good thing, that doesn't take away from all the bad you did. Thankyou, John. But you're not a hero, you did the right thing, that doesn't make you special." 

__________________

_If you asked Clarke what she would be doing her last few hours in Polis, she definitely wouldn't say this._

_Not that she was complaining, oh god, she was definitely not complaining._

_If she was being completely honest, there was nothing more she wanted more then Lexa. There was nothing more in this world she craved more then Lexa._

_Ckarke layed her head on Lexa's shoulder, her mouth resting just by the Commander's ear. There bare body's were touching, sweat beads falling in between the two. It was moments like these that Clarke would remember forever, that she was absolutely sure of._

_"If Octavia and I are gonna get behind the blockade by dawn-" Clarke tried._

_"shhh..." Lexa interrupted, as she felt Clarke run her fingers down her bare back. Chills were sent to her body._

_Clarke smiled at Lexa, not that she could see her. The girl warmed her heart, and made her feel fuzzy inside. Clarke's heart swooned at the girls attempted to get her to stay longer._

_"This is beautiful." Clarke says, referring to Lexa's back tattoo._

_She brought this up for two reasons, one being that it was so incredibly beautiful, and she wanted to know the story behind it. The second being that she wanted to hear Lexa's voice._

_"I got it on my Ascension day, a circle for every Natblida that died when the Commander chose me." Lexa lazily responded, her heart beating abnormally fast due to where Clarke's hands were now rested on her body. One on her stomach, trailing words and symbols. The other on the inside of her arm._

_"Seven circles. I thought you said there were 9 novitiates at your conclave." Clarke questioned, recalling the many conversations that she had with the taller girl. They talked alot, her and Lexa. They talked all day long. The two would sit in Lexa's bed and talk, or even walk around the city and talk to eachother, as well as the citizens._

_"There were."_

_"What happened to number eight?" Clarke inquired, wanting to know the full story._

_Lexa turned around, her face now inches from Clarkes. The two were so close Lexa could feel the heat from Clarke's body radiating onto her own._

_"Can we talk about something else?" The taller girl asked, her eyebrows scrunched together, not wanting to touch on the subject._

_"We don't have to talk at all." Clarke said, as she leaned in and captured Lexa's lips into her own._

_The two moved in sinc, like they always knew what the other was thinking. Clarke put her left hand on Lexa's cheek, bringing the girl impossibly closer._

_Lexa let out a soft moan as Clarke bit down on the taller girls bottom lip. The two separated there lips for a moment, only for Lexa to latch her mouth onto Clarke's neck, kissing and sucking all the way down to her collar bone._

_Clarke let out a soft wimper as she bit her lip, Lexa's hand moving in between Clarke's thighs, softly grabbing a hold of her left leg, pushing it up so that her knee was slightly bent._

_Lexa slowly moved herself ontop of the blonde girl, setting herself inbetween her thighs, there lips meeting once more._

_"Fuck, Lex..." Clarke rolled her eyes to the back of her head, a crazy amount of pleasure shot through her body._

_"I have to go.. fuck.." Clarke moaned out, as she brought the taller girls face away from her chest to up to her lips._

_"Stay." Lexa breathed against Clarkes lips, pleading the blonde._

_"They-" Lexa cut her off by kissing her and grabbing her face. Clarke could do this forever._

_"Stop. They'll be fine. Tell me what you want, Clarke." Lexa said, as she grabbed Clarke's bottom lip in between her teeth. She was a biter._

_"You know what i want." Clarke breathed out, as she looked at the woman above her._

_Lexa was so beautiful. Clarke knew this from the moment she layed eyes on her. Clarke watched as Lexa's face turned from one of arousal to love._

_"Tell me." Lexa said, not breaking her eye contact with the blonde._

_"I want you."_

  
__________________

Clarke smiled, remembering the moment the two shared. Clarke then realized that Lexa was not the only one asleep, as Raven had also fallen into her own world of slumber.

"O? You okay?" Clarke asked, as the girl hadn't said a word since Lexa's question. 

"Yeah, i'm- yeah." Octavia said, her words coppy and slow.

"Are you crying?" Bellamy had asked, worry laced in his voice for his sister. Octavia sniffled, and wiped her sleve over her cheek, brushing off the tears thar had fallen just moments before. 

"No." The warrior had said, as she shook her head. She was lying, Clarke knew it. So did everyone else, apparently. But Clarke also knew that she wasn't gunna make Octavia talk if she didn't want to, that didn't help anyone.

"You are." Bellamy responded.

"No." Octavia muttered back.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

The group was silent for a moment, as it was evident to everyone that Lexa was slowly waking up.

"Mm.. Clarke?" Lexa dragged out, her voice low, barely heard. Clarke had to bite her lip to stop her from smiling, her cheeks already hurting from smiling so much.

"Yeah, love?" Clarke asked. She suddenly felt a wave of heat wash over her body, for a moment, she though that they were alone.

"I'm tired." Lexa said, as she rested her head against the horse's mane. 

"I know, but we're almost home." Clarke said, her free hand making it's way into Lexa's.

"Mm." Lexa muttered, as she fell back asleep.

"You're good for her." Indra spoke up. Her horse directly beside Octavia and Raven's, right in front of Clarke and Lexa's.

"I love her." Clarke said, thanking whatever god was above for the fact that Lexa was asleep.

Indra nodded.

"I know."

The rest of the ride back to Arkadia was fast. And as soon as they could be seen, people rushed to the gate, waiting for it to be open. The word must have gotten out about Lexa, or maybe it was the abundance of horses that set them off.

"Open the gate!" Bellamy yelled, not too loud, but loud enough to be heard over the commotion at the gate. 

The guard on duty, Miller, opened the gate, giving the group to enter. 

Abby was the first to approach the group, at this point everyone had gotten off their horse, except for Clarke and Lexa, Raven waking up when Bellamy shouted. 

Bellamy and Indra reached for Lexa, as they pulled the sleeping commander off the horse. They carried the girl together, she wasn't heavy by any means, in fact she was a bit lighter then she should be.

Clarke got off Ginger just seconds after Lexa did, Raven and Octavia saying that they would take the horses in, as Anya and Indra would be staying untill Lexa was healthy.

A croud had formed around the group, but now had all led a path to the door so they could get Lexa- and apparently Murphy, who 'broke' his ankle.

When they set Lexa in a bed, she immediately started to stir awake. It probably didn't help much that Abby had pricked Lexa's skin, typing her blood, even though Clarke had already told her mother the brunettes blood tipe. _O-neg_.

Not that it helped much, however, Lexa needed nightblood. And the only other nightblood in the room was Clarke, although her blood was made in a lab it still technically counted. _Technically_. 

When Clarke volunteered to give said blood, however, she was met with an immediate "no" from Lexa.

Luckily for Clarke, Lexa had fallen back asleep, so she didn't have a say in what Clarke did.

"Okay, take my blood." Clarke said to her mother, as she shook off her jacket and rolled up her sleeve. 

"No, Clarke. You heard Lexa, she said-" Abby tried to argue, but she knew that her daughter was stubborn, and wouldn't take no for an answer. 

"Mom, she needs blood. As far as i'm concerned i'm the only one with the blood that she needs. I'm not gunna just stand here and watch her die again when i know for a matter of fact that i can help! So either you take my blood, or were taking her to Polis." Clarke growls back. Her need to keep Lexa safe washed over her body. There was no way she was letting her die over something as stupid as blood.

"Fine." 


End file.
